I busted G looking at something odd on the internet.......

It not what you think- its worse, he was looking at employment agencies in Australia for jobs.

He was comparing salaries...and...and he took down contact numbers of agencies that looked interesting.

He wrote them down and then took them to work the next morning- I wonder if he called them?....

Now that is fucking odd.

I could never imagine G leaving Scotland-infact he's said that in as many words lots of times.

I think my little quips finally broke him.

See, Im not one to deal with issues head on..no..no instead, if there is something on my mind I just make little remarks about it over and over, until it drives people to the point of insanity.

Since I just put myself back in debt for an nerve racking and exciting trip home- I suppose you can quess what Ive been "quipping" about lately.

Actually it started around christmas time, when my Nan told me the story about my Dad being really down and feeling like he was never going to see me again.

The quips they come in varing forms like talking about moving to a bigger place ("Do you know? we could get so much more for our money at home") to just being honest about feeling guilty because Im not there for my folks and friends.

So, now G is considering a move. He's not vocalised it, but he doing all the things a thinking man does- ie being silent, but clingy.

He even admitted that his stance on joint mortgages was instrumentalised so he could find out what I thought first- then he just went along with me. He said he would never want one (because apparantly neither would I), but now he's changed his mind.

This came out after I got emotional whilst watching "Property ladder"-weird huh? I said in a moment of weakness-

"We're never gonna afford a real house are we?"

and G

"Of course we are honey, we're gonna have a really nice house one day"

I really have to be more careful about which thoughts I vocalise, because honestly, I dont even know if I'd like to move home, and I dont even know if I want to make a joint financial commitment with anyone.

Im not really sure about anything.

I think I just like to try things on in my mind and see how they fit, its wrong, its so wrong.