Im being moved to a new team at work because my old team is being dissolved

Im going to be part of a central quality team and Im doing project work for the few weeks. That should be interesting- well actually more stressful than anything because I have to have endless meetings with managers about things- and we all know how much I love to do that.

Im pissed off really, because for the first time in absolutely ages I was feeling really comfortable in my job. I rocked up to work and did what I had to do and went home and there was no stress involved, that left me free to stress about the real things in life which was good.

I dont think Im going to be a wreck over this though, because even the worst that could happen (losing the stupid job) doesnt scare me all that much. Im some ways it could be a blessing, so I'll just do my best and if they dont like it- fuck them.

I seem to have developed quite a fuck- you attitude the last few months, I feel like I finally deserve to do whatever I want, and usually that involves doing nothing, nothing at all.

No trying, no fighting, just chillin out.

G has started to make a regular thing of going out on a Saturday night, which is cool, Im back to having my video nights again.

I used to sit every Friday night by myself with some vids and ice cream, that was my prize for getting through the week- just peace and quiet and escapism.

It sounds sad, but its like paradise.

I got the last of my team nights out out of the way for a while, thank god!I hate those things, I have no idea why I go.

As usual its the drinking thing, I wish all the people I know now could have seen me five years ago and realise that I didnt always have a pole up my arse.

Its just that thing again, I know if I drink im gonna be really sick the next day and that kills the entire enjoyment of my weekend- the saturday morning cuddles, the brekky with the blinds up checking my mail, a walk into town to browse in Waterstones.

These are the little things that make life worthwhile for me. Im not prepared to give them up just because it makes everyone else paranoid if I dont drink myself into a stupor. And it takes real will power! I love a drink, I do, but it kills me so I have to have some control.

And now I really am at the end of my tether because when I was out on this team thing on Friday Sharon pulled her old tricks again by staring at me lovingly across the table and buying me a totally unwanted drink.

Seems like a small thing- "fuck she bought you a drink", but she knew I didnt want it and she got everyone else involved by asking them to "Make me drink it".

Its not about the drink itself, its about trying to have some sort of control over me and having so little self confidence that she cant do something unless everyone else is.

It suffocated me, so I got up, put my coat on and went home.

Which will probably have tongues wagging on Monday.

Im just so glad its over, now that we are on different floors its unlikely that I will see her anymore and thats like a weight off my shoulders.

oh but fuck, there is this goth ball on near my house on valentines weekend and I was going to just go by myself and meet Angus there, but then Angus turned around and asked her if she was coming and she tried to make plans with me to go! bollocks, I really wanted to just go by myself. Fuck it, I think I will, I can do whatever I want.