Sometimes you itch to make the descision so that you can watch the whirlwind that follows.

When DM left me we were holding hands and he said "I cant believe I just said that" like it slipped out accidently.

I couldnt either- then the adrenaline kicked in that made my mind spin.

Things have to happen, things cant go on like this.

I brought it up and Sharon made an interesting point when she said that he would just do the Scottish man thing and pretend its not happening. I thought "Surely no", If it we me I couldnt stand the curiosity, I would be "the hit me with you best shot girl" and then the adrenaline would kick in and action would start.

All the crying and packing- I think about it everyday.

Then I think about all the things I want to do before I die and they dont seem compatible with this life.

Then I think about being in the big bad world without a routine or a hug at the end of the day.

The pit of my stomach says Im going to end up somewhere I dont expect- I dont want to, I dont want to go a day without seeing his face.

But then I think it has to be that way, in the long run.

Im bringing in some help, help is needed.