It went much, much better than expected. He was upset but very logical and cool about it.

He passed me tissues and gave me lots of hugs.

Neither of us really knows what we are going to do about it.

G suggested that we take a holiday in Melbourne to see how he likes it, but if I was to do that Id have to come back to Edinburgh and spend another year here just to pay it off and I dont want to do that. Im still paying off the last visit.

There was no break-up though.

I think we're just playing it by ear.

Ive been really hard on myself about it, but its impossible to say how its going to work because there are too many variables.

He might want to move with me, but doesnt know. I dont even know how much I'll like it at home. Im not sure how viable it is for us to try and stay together or to just call it a day, its such a big commitment, one that I dont feel ready to make.

I just dont know.

But I was totally honest about it, which was a total relief and he was really cool about it.

I would even go as far to say that it brought us closer.

As you can imagine this was a massive surprise to me, because I always think the simplest answer is the best and I always expect the worst.

Things are still complicated, but I feel better.

And for better or worse Im going to be coming home mid next year. This is like the light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel like no matter what happens its going to be OK, which is a big change from how I have been feeling for a long time now.